Portal of a kind
by Lonepichu
Summary: A sticom-eske collection of short stories that take place after Portal 2. What if GLaDOS and Chell had gotten married and lived together? Crack-fiction
1. Chapter 1

Portal of a kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. I think it was due to too many tacos. That sounds like a good reason. This is like some kind of weird sitcom that never should have been.

I was reading this comic about video game characters living together and I'm currently Portal obsessed. So, what if I took the most crack pairing ever, spruced it up, and put them living in a house together for some reason. It doesn't make a lick of sense, but it was oh so much fun to write. Maybe I'll write more. So yeah, this is just crack.

ooo

GLaDOS stared impatiently at the door. She was late and it was cake night. She was never late for cake night. "Where could she be?" GLaDOS sighed.

She turned to a nearby Turret. The Turret looked up at her. "I'm different!" It exclaimed. GLaDOS sighed and patterd the turret on the head with a claw arm at the same time that the door flew open to reveal a panting, brown haired woman.

"Well, it's about time." GLaDOS stared, impatient. Chell ignored this, tossing off her boots and setting her Portal device on a shelf. She then threw her lab coat on the rack and walked into the kitchen. "Where have you been? You were supposed to have been home over an hour ago. One hour, thirty six minutes, and twenty seven seconds ago to be exact."

Chell sat at the table and grabbed a plate, nodding at this information. "You know, the Turret wanted to start eating without you, but I said no, we should wait." Chell rolled her eyes, used to this. She cut herself, the Turret, her Companion Cube, and GLaDOS a piece of cake. She then dug into hers. "This cake isn't even that good. I mean chocolate frosting with vanilla cake?" Chell looked up and raised an eyebrow. She had not been the one that baked this Tuesday's cake. "Oh, blah." GLaDOS looked back down at her plate.

After cake, the turret wondered off for target practice and the cube remained in the chair. Chell went upstairs to change into her pajamas. GLaDOS appeared from the ceiling, confronting her. "You think after all the time we've been together, you would have the decency to communicate with me. I know you're not really mute. Or adopted."

Chell smiled and then motioned for GLaDOS to come over to the dresser. The computer being hesitated before allowing herself to stretch over with a discontent sigh. Chell reached into the top drawer and pulled out a book. A Garfield comic book. "No way." GLaDOS eyed the comic, grabbing it with a clawed hand. "It's the cat that eats lasagna and the guy who should use neurotoxins. But, how did you know?" Chell only smiled.

GLaDOS sighed in content and stretched over to her side of the bed, delving into a comic world where Mondays are hated. Chell laid down on her side, pulled out another Aperture invention instruction manual, and began reading, taking in GLaDOS' notes for future reference.

ooo

Chell lounged on the couch after a long day of rummaging through rubble fields for human artifacts. The companion cube sat beside her, a controller rested on top. Chell was beating the companion cube, her score through the roof. Her character threw another right hook at the cube's character, which was standing still.

GLaDOS perked up at the sounds of pained shouts. She put the dishes she was washing back into the sink and entered the living room. "What's going on? It sounds like science." She stared at the screen and watched the two video game characters fighting. "Oh. Is this how you've been curbing your murderous tendancies." Chell glanced over and then back at the screen. "Can I play?" GLaDOS asked, reaching for the controller.

Chell shook her head, pointing at her Companion Cube. "Oh come on, the Companion Cube doesn't even have arms or anything that could be used like them." Chell ignored her and continued playing.

"I hope it stabs you." She grumbled as she began to storm into another room. Chell reached out and grabbed her clawed appendage. GLaDOS turned and Chell held out a third controller. GLaDOS accepted it with a content hum and joined Chell in beating up the companion cube. The next morning, Chell noticed that one of the kitchen knives was missing. Where could it have gone?

ooo

Chell stretched as she got out of bed. She was taking the day off. Searching for remnants of civilization was taking a lot out of her. She also needed to go into town and steal some sugar from one of the stores that hadn't been smashed by those strange carniveous creatures that liked to try and eat her when she was out. Town could wait, though, as she wanted to finally be able to watch her soap opera without GLaDOS taping them with her commentary which, as much as she loved the cold, heartless computer, was grating. She had just turned on the channel and was relaxing on the couch, still in her robe, when she heard a familiar humming sound. Chell groaned.

"Oh, you're not at work today. Good, I don't have to record that horrible show. Why do you even like it? For that matter, how are we still getting television when you're the only human that's presumably still alive?" She paused, "Still alive." GLaDOS went off into the kitchen humming the song she'd made up while cooking breakfast. Chell let out a sigh of relief as she rolled onto her back, watching the opening scenes.

"Are you still there?" She looked up, watching as the Turret walked into the room. "Hello." Chell glared. "Oh. Good night." The Turret scuttled away, leaving Chell to her show.

It was getting to the good scene where she would finally find out who had killed Jefferson's son who was actually his nephew and his brother, but Jefferson didn't know that, when the doorbell rang. Chell shot a portal into the kitchen and one on the floor. She glared at GLaDOS through them. "Sorry, the eggs exploded. I guess I shouldn't have tried testing with them." The kitchen was a mess. Chell motioned to the door as the doorbell rang again. "I think you should get it. After all, you're the one who's shirking their work."

Chell ran to the door, hoping if she was fast enough, she wouldn't miss a single scene. She flung the door open and stared at the yellow eyed sphere in front of her. "Hey lady, I like earth. Don't wanna go to space."

She glared down and noticed Wheatley on the ground. "Oh, uh, hello there. You're looking good. Not fat or adopted at all. Can someone actually look adopt-" Chell slammed the door and portaled back into the living room in record time.

"Who was it?" GLaDOS asked, entering the living room with a bowl of freshly wisked eggs in a claw. Chell ignored her, straining to hear who the killer was. "Fine. Be that way." GLaDOS returned to th kitchen. The door bell rang again. Chell made no motion to get up. "Oh, you just stay there in front of that thing and rot like a potato. I'll go get it."

GLaDOS opened the door. "Oh, it's you. Umm, I didn't think you would be living here." GLaDOS picked up Wheatley in the claw that wasn't holding a bowl of eggs and glared at him. "You also look brilliant. Have you been polished recently? You're positively glowing! Yeah, you've got quite the spit shine." GLaDOS hung the nanobot on the coat rack.

"Hnnn hnng nng, Space. Don't wanna go back. Are you space? I like earth. Sometimes space. Mostly earth." GLaDOS also hung the space orb up.

"You guys need to stay quiet until her suds opera is over. There's not any actual opera singing, but if you interupt her show, I'll gladly sing you a hymn. At your funeral" GLaDOS returned to the kitchen, scrapping bacon off the ceiling onto a plate.

The space orb looked at Wheatley. "Wanna go back to space."

ooo

End for now


	2. Chapter 2

Portal of a Kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. More stories of sitcom delight. Writing this was actually stress relief. Life has become stressful with college, so I just wanted to write something that's just completely ridiculous. I'm also currently addicted to Portal, so here you are. Feel free to suggest situation and such. BTW, my review amuses me becaus I have the same opinion XD HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? DOES NOT COMPUTE! I'm done now, on to more crack.

ooo

"Are you guys just going to leave us on this coat rack? I mean, I suppose I deserve it for what I did, but the space core surely doesn't." Chell glanced at Wheatley as she put on her boots and grabbed her portal device. She then walked out the door. Wheatley sighed. "Hey, come on, I'm sorry."

GLaDOS looked over at him. "Perhaps you're right."

Wheatley perked up. "Really? I mean, I've never heard you say that before so I've got to be skeptical, but that feels good coming from you, it does."

GLaDOS grabbed the space core and picked it up. "Wanna go, wanna go back to coat rack." The core cowered.

"Space here did nothing wrong. In fact, we couldn't have gotten my body back without him." Wheatley's demeanor fell. "Have you ever baked a cake before?"

"Cake? Cake. I like cake. Yeah cake. Let's bake a cake. Lots of cake." Space cooed.

"Fine, I guess I'm just chopped liver. Well, ol' Wheatley will just be here whenever you decide to come back for me. I can make a cake too. Yeah. A nice one, too. With vanilla frosting and sprinkles even."

"I know," GLaDOS turned to him, causing him to cringe. "You learned it from me when you were my tumor." She turned back to the kitchen. "You beat the eggs. I always end up getting them on the ceiling."

"Yeah eggs. Gonna beat eggs. I like cake." Space whisked away, somehow.

"When you are done, put them into the bowl with the rest of the ingredients. I have to go record Chell's stupid clean musical."

"Hey, Space?" Wheatley called, but Space was too busy stirring obsessively.

Chell arrived home several hours later the to the smell of freshly baked cake. She tossed her boots and portal device aside and hung up her jacket, as usual. She noticed distinct lack of Wheatley and Space. She walked into the kitchen, looking around accusingly for GLaDOS only to find a glorious velvet cake with creamcheese frosting being served. She rushed to her usual spot at the head of the table, ready to eat.

"I had some help today. I didn't need it, but I was able to make the cake faster, so I had time for science." She motioned to the toaster. Chell made a mental note to not go near it.

"Cake. Cake. I love cake. So good. Frosting. Cake." Space could hardly contain his excitement.

"Even a piece for old Wheatley. I knew you guys weren't bad."

GLaDOS glared. "Our pieces are quite smaller than normal. I'd gladly redo the fraction to not include you."

That night when Chell and GLaDOS were in bed doing their respective before-sleep reading, GLaDOS turned to Chell and remarked, "Do you remember when I said that I knew how humans made more humans and it was ridiculous? And I said I didn't want to do that with you?" Chell raised an eyebrow. "Well, somehow we have managed to get a lot of children. The things I have to put up with."

Chell was going to dismiss GLaDOS like usual when she realized that she agreed.

ooo

Chell sat cross-legged on the living room floor, GLaDOS hovering over her. The couch had been pushed against the sliding door that led to the backyard in order to make room for the maze that they had constructed. Chell had been gathering spare wood she'd found for ages for this.

"Should we put neurotoxins at the end?" Chell raised an eyebrow. "Well, I know I'd go through a maze if there were neurotoxin at the end." Chell sighed and went to the kitchen to grab something more appropriate. "I suppose cake works too," GLaDOS mused.

Outside, the Turret had set up potato sacks in which it had drawn targets on. "Searching," the turret used its detection laser to seek out the bulls eye on the sack. "Firing." It then unloaded an entire round of bullets into the sack. "Goodbye," the turret said, pleased with its performance.

It turned to go inside and grab more bullets, only the door was blocked. It tried to shoot at the glass, only to remember he was out of bullets. "Hello?" It called. No response. "Hello?" the Turret repeated. Again, no response. It sighed and looked around the yard. It was fenced in and he had no bullets to make a hole and enter the doggy door on the front of the house. The turret whimpered, "Need firing."

"Cheese? That makes about as much sense as cats eating lasagna." GLaDOS noted as Chell set the chunk of yellow at the end of the maze. She grabbed one of the mice she'd been keeping in a box for their tests. "Can I do it? It's been so long since I've done a test. I want to make sure I'm not rusty." Chell nodded and held out the mouse. GLaDOS grabbed it, only a bit too hard. Blood dripped from her claw. "Oh. I guess mice aren't as sturdy as humans."

Chell glared and grabbed another mouse. GLaDOS looked at her expectantly with an outstretched claw. Chell batted it away and set the mouse in the starting box herself. "Do you want to do the countdown?" Chell raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Really? You're asking someone who doesn't talk to talk.'

"No no, I'll do it. You just sit there. Initiate test in three, two, one." Chell lifted the door and the mouse ran out, pausing at each wall. "I almost forgot how much fun testing is." GLaDOS let out a content hum.

Finally, after testing each mouse several times, they found a winner and put it in a cage Chell had found. The others GLaDOS 'released' back into the wild. Chell cleaned up the mess they'd made while GLaDOS made dinner. She was moving the couch back into position when she noticed that the turret was laying on its side and whimpering at the door. "Firing. Firing. Firing." It cried. Confused, Chell picked it up and brought it to GLaDOS.

"Oh, it's suffering from bullet-withdrawel. Just get it a new box. A Turret without bullets is like a facility without neurotoxin. Dinner will be ready in 34 minutes and 17 seconds."

ooo

End for now.

I'm serious, send me some ideas you have. I'll run out soon and this is just too much fun to write.


	3. Chapter 3

Portal of a kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal or Wall-e, just the really odd, crack fiction idea I have here. Enjoy, maybe.

Dear Reviewer whom I keep short-circuiting: don't worry, I don't know how they do what they do either XD

ooo

Chell walked through the remenants of a town. It wasn't torn apart like the others she had explored, but looked as if it had simply been evacuated. She walked into a bakery and found that the baked goods were moldy, but not beyond recognition. She entered a grocery store and stock piled some food that GLaDOS had told her to pick up. She was about to portal home and mark this town for exploration tomorrow, when she noticed a movie theater. She walked inside, curious. The projector inside had several reels of old science fiction cartoons including Wall-e.

She rememered going to see it in the movies by herself and being drawn to the quiet, adorable hero. She considered the movie and then smiled, setting it up. It worked fine, much to her enjoyment. She bet GLaDOS would enjoy this movie, albeit begrudgingly so. She set up an orange portal on the wall and picked up the pocket portal device GLaDOS had dsigned for her. The blue one was always permanently set up in the front yard. She pushed the button and an orange portal appeared right beside the one she made. She stepped through and entered her home.

"Welcome back. You're home early. Did you get those things I asked for?" GLaDOS looked at her expectantly. Chell sat the bags on the table and ran upstairs to their bedroom. "Oh no, don't offer to put them up. I'll just do that." She snarked, opening the fridge. Upstairs, Chell changed out of her usual white tanktop and jumpsuit and put on a blouse and skirt. She smiled at her reflection and headed downstairs.

"Oh, you sure look nice. Well, I mean, nice for a human. I'm not a good judge on that, though, being a nanobot and all. So where you off to all prettied up?" Wheatley asked from the couch where he and Space were watching TV. She ignored him and walked into the kitchen, shooting a blue portal onto the floor.

GLaDOS looked over. "What is this?" She asked, peering into the portal. "It looks like a testing view chamber."

Wheatley rolled into the room. "I want to see! I want to see! Oh oh oh, I know what this is!"

"Space?" Space asked from the couch.

"No, it's one of those places that humans go to watch a huge TV that doesn't have commercials." Chell nodded.

"A movie? Isn't that here humans go for courtship rituals?" GLaDOS asked, looking at the two of them. Chell shrugged. Close enough. She touched one of GLaDOS' claws and jumped through the portal.

"Looks like you've got a human courtship ritual thing tonight, mate," Wheatley laughed.

"It would seem so," GLaDOS mused. "What about dinner?"

"Cake?" Space rolled into the room.

"No. It's not Tuesday. Do you remember how to make pacakes?"

"Cakes. In a pan. Pancakes."

"I'll take that as a no, but you can't possibly do that much damage." With that, she stretched through the Portal and found herself inside the theater. "This is ridiculous, you know." She said to Chell, who had already set up the movie. Chell held up a finger and shushed her as the movie began.

ooo

"Can I help?" Wheatley asked, rolling over to Space.

"Ehhhe hhheeee. Gonna back. Gonna be the best at bake. BAKING! Pancakes." He whisked eggs, which was all he really remembered how to do.

"Don't you need more than just eggs? I think she used at least some of that powdery white stuff or whatever it is." Wheatley attached himself to one of the mechanisms in the house that allowed GLaDOS to move around freely and began rummagging through the cabinents. "Ah! Here it is. Flour. Add some of this."

"How much? How much add? I like to bake." Space eyed the white bag.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna say fill the bowl. Yeah. We'll have plenty of leftovers then." Wheatley knocked the bag over and it spilled all over the floor. "That wasn't me." Wheatley hid in the cabinent.

Space hummed as he used a measuring cup to scoop some of the flour off the ground and put it into the bowl until it was full. "Bowl full."

Wheatley peeked from behind the door. The floor was still a mess, but not quite as bad. Maybe they wouldn't notice. "Umm, oh I dunno. What else does she use to cook? You cook with her all the time. I just sit unloved on the coat rack. Poor little Wheatley all alone."

"Carrots." Space threw some in the bowl. "Cheese. Brown water. Thing. Thing." Space held up a package of cylender shaped squishy pink things.

"Oh. Oh. I know what those are. I can't remember the name right now. Baseball comes to mind. That can be our meat." In went the pink things. "Alright, I don't think we should add anything else. This looks good."

"BLENDEEEER!" Space shouted, taking the blender and sticking it into the bowl.

ooo

"And that is all, that love's about," the song played in the movie. GLaDOS looked over at Chell's hand. Was holding hands really all that powerful? She reached a cautious claw forward just as Chell turned to her expectantly. GLaDOS paused, withdrawing her claw.

"I guess I was wrong. There are people with more generous proportions out there than you." Chell rolled her eyes at this and made a waving motion with her hand so she'd tell her more about her true thoughts. "I liked Eve. She had the right idea about shooting first and emotions second. A directive is most important in one's life. I test, she finds plants. I guess that makes you the little obselete robot that's all about romantic notions like pointless movie outings."

Chell took that to mean GLaDOS liked the movie, which she did. "What is so special about holding hands, anyway? I thought the most romantic gesture was touching mouths." Chell shook her head. For being the smartest being in existence, she was still clueless about romantic gestures. How were they married, again? Chell reached forward. GLaDOS was looking adamantly at the credits. She grabbed her claw in her hand. GLaDOS' yellow, glowing eye opened wider in surprise and looked at the combination of metal and flesh. Inside, GLaDOS felt a tickling in her wires, where Caroline was stored. She had felt this on occassion and ignored it, but this was the strongest it had been.

"I think we should go home and see just what damage the moron has done." To Chell's surprise, GLaDOS didn't let go of her hand. The two stepped through the portal to find the entire kitchen covered in food of a variety of colors and a strong, horrible smell.

"PANCAKES!" Space held out a tray of black, powdery blobs.

Chell and GLaDOS looked at each other and went upstairs, not in any mood to deal with whatever had happened during the hour they were away.

"I don't think she likes them, mate." Wheatley looked over at a sad Space.

ooo

Part 3 is over. It worries me that I'm still writing such crack. And having so much fun writing such crack...


	4. Chapter 4

Portal of a kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. And remember kids, reviews fuel crack, so the more I get, the more likely I am to be inspired. Actually, I'm addicted to writing these. I even find myself doodling scenes in my school notes. I'm hopeless.

ooo

Glados watched as Wheatley scraped the last remnants of last night's dinner disaster off the walls. "Good. You follow directives well."

"Directives? Is that like a type of direction? Actually, I'd like to be going in a not here direction at this moment."

"You moron." GLaDOS sighed. "Chell would have gotten that. Fine. If you're done, I'd like you to go in that direction right now. In fact, you should go to the bathroom direction and clean it. I'm not done with you."

"How come Space isn't getting any punishment? He's the one you put in charge of cooking." Wheatley complained.

"Because I only feel this wouldn't have been nearly as bad if you hadn't been there encouraging him. You're lucky Chell hasn't murdered you as is. She's very good at that."

"Fine." Wheatley grumbled as he made his way to the bathroom.

GLaDOS watched him leave and then she pulled out an old radio from the storage closet in the living room. Chell had brought it home the other day and she hadn't gotten around to messing with it. She turned the dial and listened to the static. She was hoping beyond all hope that it would work. She missed singing and, to toot her own horn, was really good at it.

After listening to static, a song came through. "Oh!" GLaDOS gasped in joy.

"Put de lime in de coconut and drink it all up."

"What kind of nonsense is this?" She pondered to herself, listening to the song. It sounded like a recipe for some kind of home remedy. "Space!" She called.

"Space?" Space popped out from a cabinent.

"Do we have any coconuts? I know we have limes."

"Coconut?" Space looked puzzled.

"It's hard, brown, and furry."

"Coconut!" Space retreated back into the cabinent and came back out shortly after holding one.

GLaDOS took it and grabbed a lime from the fridge that Chell had been saving to make something called a margarita. She examined each. Their surfaces were solid, though the lime was poreous and the coconut was hairy. How on earth could she put the lime in the coconut?

Chell returned home to find GLaDOS pushing the two against each other. "Get. IN!" she shouted in frustration. Chell looked at her and crossed her arms. "You humans are ridiculous. How am I supposed to get the lime in the coconut so I can drink it all up if they're solid?"

Chell smacked her forehead. She took the two things from GLaDOS and grabbed a bowl. She put the coconut back into the cabinent as Space rolled out. "Gotta find a better room. Need a room. I miss space." He rolled out the door.

Chell rummaged around and got a blender. She dumped ice in there as well as lime, some coconut milk from the fridge, and a third of a bottle of tequila. She turned the blender on and then poured it into two cups, handing one to GLaDOS.

GLaDOS eyed the cup suspiciously, then took a tentative sip. "Oh, I guess this does make more sense." GLaDOS rolled her eye and drained the drink. She looked up at Chell who was still sipping at her own as she flipped through a book. "Could you show me how you did it again?" Chell smiled, knowing this was the closest GLaDOS would come to asking for more.

ooo

"Wanna go to space. I miss space." Space whimpered as he sulked at the breakfast table.

"Hello," the Turret walked in, sitting at his place at the table and looking down at his pancakes. The companion cube sat across from him silently. He wasn't sure why, but the cube intimidated him.

"Space. I was the best at space. I was the best at space cops. My dad was space. Oh space." Space sighed and rolled away from the table without touching his pancakes.

"What a depressing core." GLaDOS commented idly. She grabbed the syrup and poured herself a generous helping.

Chell watched him roll away and out the back door. She was about to take a bite of her waffle when she heard a scream. "SPAAAAAAACE," Space shouted and then wailed.

"Oh, he better not do that the whole day. How about you stay behind and play house wife and I do your job of finding useless trash in the remains of civilization?" Before GLaDOS could give more thought to this idea, Chell gobbled her pancakes, threw on her boots, grabbed the Portal Device, and was out the door. "I'll take that as a no."

They finished breakfast and GLaDOS had Wheatley clear the table as she did the dishes. As always, the companion cube hadn't touched any of his. After she finished, she went to tape Chell's soap opera, but could barely hear the TV over the wails of SPACE coming from outside. "If only I was still in Aperture, I could make sure he returned to space. Couldn't garuntee it'd be in one piece, but he'd get there." She narrowed her eye and hummed to herself as she recorded, blocking out the sound coming from outside.

The show was over and the crying hadn't ceased. "You have got to be kidding me." GLaDOS threw the sliding glass door open. "STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" She shouted. Space looked at her and rolled inside, planting himself on the couch in front of the Discovery Channel. A documentary on space was playing. He rocked back and forth as he watched. "We have got to do something to stop this WHINING."

When Chell returned home that evening, she found GLaDOS smacking her head into the kitchen wall as wails of space ricocheted around the house. She went up to GLaDOS and put a hand on what could pass for the AI's neck. She pointed upstairs and held up a bag. GLaDOS nodded and retreated into the ceiling so she could reapper in their bedroom. Chell climbed the steps and dumped the contents of the bag on the bed.

"Oh, I guess this would be a good solution. I guess you're not completely useless afterall." Chell grinned as she grabbed the supplies and the two headed into the empty room across from theirs. The two worked dilligently all night.

The next morning, there wasn't breakfast on the table, which was unusual. Normally GLaDOS liked cooking. "Where's lady?" Space asked the Turret.

"Her name is Caroline?" The turret responded, confused.

"Pretty lady, like pretty space. I miss space." He sighed.

"They were up all night doing who knows what. I mean, they are newly weds, but you think they'd respect a sleeping bot. Someone should go round them up." He looked around the table, but everyone was looking elsewhere. "Oh fine, I'll just go do it." Wheatley sighed and attached himself to the zipline and went upstairs to look for the two. He found them asleep on each other in the empty room beside their bedroom. "Wake up sleepy heads! What are you two doing in here?"

"Ugh," GLaDOS opened her glowing, yellow eye. Chell was drapped over her, refusing to open her eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's breakfast time! What've you two been up to up all night? Kept me up you two did. Was it newly wed stuff? What do newly weds do? I always hear people saying it slyly, but I don't actually know." GLaDOS retreated through the ceiling taking Chell with her and then appeared in the kitchen. "Hey, how come no one ever listens to me around here? Hey, come back!" Wheatley zipped down into the kitchen.

Chell jumped off of GLaDOS, stretching. She walked over to Space and picked him up. "Hey, where are we going? Are we going to Space?" Chell covered his eye and carried him upstairs. GLaDOS followed them. Chell set him on an extra bed they had set up in the new room. She took her hands off of his eye and he looked around the room eagerly. "SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!" He shouted in excitement. Indeed it was Space. Chell and GLaDOS had painted the entire room black. It already had black carpeting, so they didn't have to bother with that. On the walls, Chell has glued down hundreds of glow-in-the-dark stars she'd found. "Thank you ladies! Thank you thank you. Hey, I love you. I love you, but I love Space more! SPACE!"

The two shut the door of the room leaving him to his own devices. "At least it's better than crying. I guess I should start breakfast." Chell stopped her, shaking her head. "A day off? Sounds good to me." The two headed to their bedroom for some much needed sleep.

Wheatley rolled into Space's room. "Hey mate! This looks awesome! Can I stay with you? Sleeping on the couch is so uncomfortable and it's awfully lonely down there. Plus I don't exactly trust that cube."

Space looked at him for a second, considering. "My space!" He slammed the door and rolled around.

"I guess this means no breakfast either. No love in this house. None. Why do I even live here?"

ooo

End for now

And no, I don't know what kind of alcoholic beverage that is. Probably not a very good one, but ah well, in crack fiction, that's apparently some good drinking. Drink responsibly, guys. Also, 4locos are bad. If someone offers you one, scream and karate chop them.


	5. Chapter 5

Portal of a Kind

Disclaimer: Reviews and staying up way too late greatly influence the writing of this story. I find the best crack comes when you're so tired, everything becomes hilarious.

ooo

The Turret woke with a start to find the cube uncomfortably close to him in the closet they shared as a room. He backed up and exited the closet as quickly as he could. "Glorious freedom," He whispered to himself. It was still too early for anyone else to be up, but he didn't feel comfortable going back into the closet. Instead, he scrambled onto the couch beside where Wheatley was sleeping and settled down. "Good night."

Wheatley woke and shouted in surprise. "Whoa! Strange Turret in my bed. What was I doing all night? I don't remember a thing. Oh man, there's a gap where last night should be."

The Turret looked at him. Wheatley rolled around in his panic and rolled on the Turret, knocking him over. "Excuse me, you're squishing me."

"Oh sorry. Sorry. I'm just having a mild breakdown because I can't remember a thing. What happened?"

"Failure..." The Turret climbed off the couch and went to the kitchen leaving an angry Wheatley behind him.

"Chell, do you remember what today is?" GLaDOS asked, plopping a scoop of eggs in front of her. Chell looked up at her, puzzled. "Of course you don't. Today is the day that I'm going to work with you. I need a break from these morons to spend the day with a dangerous, mute lunatic." Chell nodded, remembering. "This means you," she pointed at Wheatley, "are in charge of recording Chell's Suds Musical. Do you remember how to record what you see or are you too stupid for even that."

"I don't like your tone. What if I just decide to not record? What're you going to do about that? There's nothing. You need me." Chell glared at Wheatley, holding her fork up threateningly. "Fine, fine, I'll record, but I won't like it."

"Space, you're in charge of food. The companion cube is in charge of cleaning up after your messes. Turret, you can make the bed. That should keep everyone here busy for several hours. Alright, I'm ready when you are." Chell shoveled down the last of her eggs and finished getting dressed, then made a Portal on the kitchen floor and the two made their way out.

"Thinks she can order me around. When is it going to be my turn? I'm the only other intelligent, speaking life in this bloody house and they treat me like a door mat, they do."

"Don't Forget," the Turret motioned to himself.

"You can't even form a coherrent sentence." Wheatley accused.

"Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds." The Turret recited.

"Uhh, alright then, proved me wrong there." The small core looked at the Turret in surprise. "What does all that even mean? Who is Promeatus?" The Turret walked away, bored of the conversation. He went out back for further target practice. "Be that way. I have to tape this thing for Chell anyway,"

Wheatley flipped the channel until he saw the familiar opening scene. With a sigh, he settled himself to watch. "This show is complete rubbish. Who cares who has an evil twin brother or who is pregnent with what?" He watched for a moment before growing bored and turning to see how the Turret was doing outside. "No no, gotta focus." He looked back to the screen for a moment before he was attracted by the sounds of Space in the kitchen. "No, she told me if I help with the cooking I will die. I don't want to die." He focused back on the screen again before rolling off the couch and into the kitchen. "What are you making?"

"Stir fry. Gonna make stir fry." He was oiling a pan and had vegetables layed out on the counter ready to be chopped.

"Oh. Looks like you've got things really under control in here. Really under control. How'd you get so good?"

"Lady taught me." Space placd the stir fry pan on the stove while he turned to the vegetables.

"Well, I'll just be off then." Wheatley headed back to the couch and focused on the TV again, but wasn't long before he found something else to distract him. "Hey! Companion Cube!"

ooo

GLaDOS trailed along from Portal to Portal as Chell adjusted where she would appear. So far, everything was a wasteland. Chell pointed at a building and then motioned for GLaDOS to stay where she was. She then ran toward it. GLaDOS looked around, bored. Then her eyes set on something little and green nearby. It was a small, sprouted place. It looked like the one from the movie she'd watched. She reached her claw forward and scooped it up like she'd seen done in the movie. She then deposited it in a bowl that was laying on the ground nearby. She looked at the plant and hummed, happy.

Chell returned back suddenly. GLaDOS started, hiding the bowl behind a box. Chell had already seen, though. She raised an eyebrow. "I just think the house could use a little color. That wallpaper you picked out is atrocious." Chell rolled her eyes and the two continued with work.

ooo

GLaDOS pulled herself out of the Portal and she helped Chell through the floor. She turned the Portals off and went to change into more comfortable clothes, pausing to appreciate the pleasant aroma wafting from the stove top. "Stir-fry. I didn't teach you that one. Well done."

"Thanks lady. I found a food book. Books are the best." Space began setting the table for dinner.

"You're an excellent addition to this household, unlike certain other morons." GLaDOS looked down at Wheatley, who had just rolled into the kitchen.

"If I'm such a useless addition, then how else were you able to go out and assist Chell? You couldn't because she wouldn't have any other way to watch her clean barbershop quartet." He challenged.

"At least it's funny when I make soap opera jokes. You're obviously trying too hard you useless tumor. Though I must give you that bit of helpfulness. Maybe you can prove yourself yet." GLaDOS then went to the living room and set the plant she'd retrieved on the windowsill. She'd even been able to find a boot to put it in just like in the movie. She took a cup of water and poured it into the soil. "New rule in this house. Anyone who touches this plant will be fed neurotoxin."

Chell came back downstairs in casual clothing and waved at Wheatley. She pointed to the TV. "Oh right, yes, you want to watch your show. Why don't you wait until after dinner? I mean, There's no rush, right? I think the food's almost done anyway and you look thin! Yeah, you're thin. I think you could stand to do with some food." Chell considered and then shrugged, going into the kitchen. Wheatley sighed in relief, having dodged a bullet and given himself some more precious time on this planet.

The stir fry was amazing. GLaDOS didn't even have anything bad to say. She even went back for seconds. Space sat at the table looking very proud of himself. The Turret picked at his food, stealing glances at the cube from time to time. Wheatley tried to draw out eating as long as he could. Chell picked her plate up and set it in the sink. She then grabbed Wheatley. "Hey! I wasn't done!" He looked down at his plate where two carrots remained. She grabbed his plate and set it on the floor in front of him in the living room. "We're not animals, well I mean technically you are, but we don't act like animals. I think we should eat in the kitchen." Chell ignored him, hooking up the red, white, and yellow ATV cables into his back. "Hey, be careful back there."

Chell settled on the couch as the familiar opening to her show started. She grimmaced as Wheatley kept looking around, then a look of rage filled her face as Wheatley wondered around the house, annoying its inhabitants. She glared at the core, yanking the cords out of his back. She screamed in frustration. "Oh wow, you made her make sounds. Usually she only does that when we..." GLaDOS trailed off as she watched Chell storm into the kitchen. "Did you not record her show?"

"I recorded the first five minutes..." He admitted, looking down at the ground.

"Why am I not surprised." Chell returned from the kitchen weilding the toaster GLaDOS had tampered with. She shoved a piece of toast in it and pulled the lever. The toast shot out in a burning hot spray. "Careful of my plant while you're murdering."

"Hey hey hey hey hey! Come on, it was one little mistake, but that show is so boring! You have to give me credit for trying, right?" Chell's answer was to shove more bread into the toaster and then proceeded to chase him around the house until she collapsed, tired, on the couch. She dropped the toaster and rested her head on her arms.

"Hello," GLaDOS entered the room, "I figured this would happen." Chell didn't respond. "So I had a back up. I just wanted to see if the little idiot could do this. I do still love to test, after all. Anyway, here we go." She hooked the wires to a camera that had been installed above the couch that Chell had missed. She must have put it there with the extra time she was getting from Space doing all the cooking. Her show appeared on the TV. She sat watching, content. GLaDOS begrudgingly joined her. She'd followed it so long through recording it that she somewhat wanted to find out what happened as well.

Meanwhile, Wheatley was hiding in the closet, wedged uncomfortably between the Turret and the companion cube.

ooo

End for now

Yeah, I have no idea. SEE? CHEKOV'S GUN! Or...toaster. That toaster was important! Okay, not really, but it made a nice Wheaters punishing device :P I imagine most of their appliances are going to end up this way with GLaDOS having so much free time. Look at all this continuity in a crack fiction. I think I'm doing it wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

Portal of a kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. These parts keep getting progressively longer and each individual story idea keeps getting longer instead of short snippets like in the begining. This can't mean anything good.

ooo

Wheatley woke with a yawn. "Good morning everyone," He looked around. The Turret stirred, glancing at him. "And how are you today Mr. Cu-where'd he go?" Wheatley looked toward where the cube normally slept, but he was nowhere to be found. Wheatley opened the closet door and quickly slammed it back shut. The cube was standing really close with a knife resting on top. "What in bloody blazes is going on. He's got a knife, that one does. Why does he have a knife?"

"He-hello?" The Turret stuttered, looking around as he opened the door. The Cube was gone.

"I know he was there. Don't look at me like that, I know what I saw." He rolled forward and looked around. "Nowhere to be found. Maybe I was just still dreaming." The two exited the closet and entered the kitchen like usual. Chell and GLaDOS were still upstairs.

"Where are you?" The Turret pondered as he took his normal seat at the table.

"I'll tell you where, they're all killed, murdered. I never even got to show Chell how sorry I am. I always knew there was something wrong with the companion cube. Poor Space will never get to return to space, GLaDOS will never get to live forever, it's such a tragedy, life is."

The Turret made a scared noise, trembling as he looked around the kitchen as Wheatley continued his speech on death. The ceiling creaked and scared both of them. The Turret toppled off his chair onto his side, shooting everywhere. "Stop that right now," GLaDOS scolded.

The Turret calmed and looked up at the familiar AI hanging from the ceiling. "No hard feelings."

She sighed and picked him back up, depositing him on the chair. "What's gotten into you?" Chell came downstairs in her robe with a yawn, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. "You sure look relaxed for someone who has to leave for work soon." Chell pointed out the window. It was pouring. "Oh, well then. You can help with breakfast." Chell stood up and started boiling some water to make oatmeal. There was a huge thunder clap and the power shut off. "Well, that's unfortunate."

"How are you still, you know, alive and talking right now if the power's out?" Wheatley asked. GLaDOS' eye was casting an eerie yellow glow through the room.

"Do you really think that my internal structure is so unstable that a simple power outtage would really affect me? I mean, honestly, I am the greatest computer ever designed and-" As GLaDOS bragged, Chell mimed playing a trumpet, as the AI was tooting her own horn.

"Lawlawlawl," the Turret laughed.

"I can see you," she huffed, turning to Chell and narrowing her optic. Another thunder boom outside startled the two out of what would have an epic fight as they both went to the kitchen window and looked outside. The rain was pouring down and there were strong winds. Tree branches were falling down all over the yard. "That's going to be a pain for you to clean." Chell glared at her.

"Where's Space?" Wheatley asked. The two turned from the window and looked around. Something had been surprisingly less OCD than usual this morning. "It's the cube. It's all the cube! He murdered poor Space, I knew that cube was up to no good. I knew it!"

"Isn't the cube missing, too? What's to say they both aren't dead, murdered by something even worse, like a mantis man." GLaDOS enjoyed watching as Wheatley began to panic. Chell rolled her eyes and left to grab the flashlights. She unexpectedly tripped over something, landing on the floor with a surprised gasp. "Chell!" GLaDOS shouted as she rushed to see what was wrong, shining her optic's light to see what had happened. She thought she glimpsed the cube for a second, but shook it off. The little moron was simply grating on her nerves it seemed. She picked Chell up with a claw and set her on her feet. "You really do have the grace of a blimp, you know."

Chell brushed herself off and went to the storage closet, grabbing flashlights out of the drawer. She returned to the kitchen and hooked one up to the turret. She then set them up in the kitchen so the room was lighted. Outside, the sky was so grey it may as well have been night. "I don't like this at all, not one bit," Wheatley looked around the room, staying close to one of the flashlights. He had his own turned on as well.

Chell and GLaDOS had started a game of rummy. The Turret was extremely far behind, having no hands to play with. Wheatley was looking around in worry as the time ticked by. "Someone should really, really go and see if Space is okay and not a mantis man dinner or murdered by an inanimate object or some other third horrible thing."

"Thanks for volunteering," GLaDOS said.

"What, me? No no no. I meant someone with far more portaling talent, like Chell or the Turret." Wheatley stammered.

"You seem to be the only one who keeps worrying about him, so you can go find him." She grabbed him and rolled him out the door into the living room.

He spun around dizzily and waited for the world to stop moving before he attached himself to his rail and sped up the stairs. He kept turning around and looking back. He reached the top of the stairs and began calling out for Space. "Space! Where are you, mate? Space? Come on, don't make me stay up here. Just come on out and you can cook a whole host of galaxies, or whatever it is you'd like to do." There was no answer. Wheatley was getting a bad feeling as he opened the door to Space's room. "Space?" He whispered, and then screamed.

ooo

Chell and GLaDOS had resorted to building houses out of cards while they waited for Wheatley. He had been gone for ages. Outside, the storm raged more than ever. "I know he's a moron, but surely he couldn't be that much of one that he's still gone." Chell raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look. I'm not worried about the idiot. Well, maybe slightly about his extreme stupidity possibly screwing up the house in some way."

Chell sighed and stood, knocking over the cards. "Aww," the Turret sighed. He moved to pick up the cards.

She grabbed one of the flashlights and began to head after Wheatley. "Wait!" GLaDOS called. Chell looked back with a smirk. "Wipe that look off your face. I just don't see how you'd be capable of doing this yourself. I know you'd end up coming back down here crying to me, so I'm just saving us both precious time." Chell snorted and began her way up the stairs, the AI following behind.

"Don't shoot!" The Turret exclaimed, running after them, not wanting to be left alone.

Upstairs, Chell shined the flashlight around the hall. GLaDOS helped with her own eye light. There was no sign of Wheatley anywhere. "Hey, moron!" GLaDOS called out. Silence. "I thought that would have gotten a response for sure. Okay then, I think we really have got a mantis man infestation on our hands." Chell ignored her and grabbed the knob to Space's door. "Wait! Why are you always rushing? This isn't a test, you can take your time." Surely the AI wasn't scared.

Chell looked back. GLaDOS was hovering right behind her and the Turret was quivering at her side. This was getting slightly ridiculous. She threw the door open and shined the flashlight inside. She saw the two cores tied up and with tape over their speakers. She rushed over and pulled the tape off of Space. "Space. Wanna go to space. Wanna go not here. Wanna get the space cops."

"Mmmph mmmph" Wheatley mumbled. Chell ignored him, leaving the tape on.

"Behind you!" GLaDOS grabbed Chell just as something thudded on the ground. She pulled Chell over and plopped her on top of herself. They both shone their lights and saw the companion cube; a knife resting on top of it. "What do you know, the moron was right about something." There was a huge thunder clap. and then the cube was gone.

"I hate to point fingers," GLaDOS looked up at Chell, "but he's learning this bad habit from you." Chell glared at her angrily. "This is what happens when you have a murderer as a role model."

Chell shined the flashlight around the room, but the cube was nowhere to be found. "Firing!" They heard the Turret cry from outside the room. He began shooting bullets rapidly. "Are you still there?"

"This is ridiculous. I'm going to transfer some of my generators to the house." There was a humming sound and slowly the lights came back on in the house. The two made their way downstairs, Space and Turret following behind. The cube was in a corner of the room, knife on top. GLaDOS prepared to have a laser fired at him when Chell jumped off and held up a hand. "Are you seriously still wanting to save that thing even after you so quickly murdered it the first time?"

She pointed to the heart on the cube. It was broken. "Seriously? That's what's wrong with the weighted companion cube? I'll have to repair it. For now, it will have to be locked in the closet." Chell nodded and locked him inside, putting the knife back in the kitchen.

"I'm different?" Turret inquired.

"I guess you can sleep with us for now." GLaDOS sighed. Turret let out a happy chirp.

That night, the Turret did sleep nestled between the AI and the human, both seemed to be somewhat irritated at their new bedmate. Space slept soundly under his glow-in-the-dark stars. Wheatley was still taped and tied up, hanging from the coat rack, mumbling in annoyance.

ooo

end for now

I don't know. I really don't. Here's a hint for an upcoming part: Fact: Marraige was invented by the French to enslave men.

Unrelated, I finally got off my arse and played Portal's documentary. I need to do the same for Portal 2 sometime. I love Ellen McLaine's explination of GLaDOS. I love that woman in general, though.

I need to write a serious portal fic sometime. Maybe.


	7. Chapter 7

Portal of a Kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. I do own my insanity and lack of sleep, though, so we've got that.

Also, sorry updates aren't coming as fast as they used to; it's almost nanowrimo time and I actually, quite surprisingly, write non-crack things. I'm spending a lot of time writing out outlines and sketching character drafts and breaking down scenes that will need to happen so that I'll be prepared for the big event in November!

ooo

Normally, when Chell wondered the ruins of civilization, everything was quiet. From time to time, there'd be the sound of birds or other wildlife, sometimes a radio would still be on, but usually it was blissfully quiet. Sure, Chell loved the AI that she had somehow married, but sometimes her incessent rambling was grating and she welcomed the chance to get to work and recharge her silent battery. This is why, when she heard chatter, Chell panicked slightly. She was torn between excitement at finding more people and fear that whatever it was could be whatever had led to man's destruction.

Slowly, she crept through the rubble, hiding and having her Portal device at the ready for a quick get-away. GLaDOS had invented a battery pack for the toaster weapon and had told her that she should take it to work with her. She mentally cursed herself for not taking her advice. She jumped behind a car and crept slowly around the trunk, and then smacked her forehead when she saw just what was making that racket.

ooo

GLaDOS turned as she heard the front door open. "You're home early. Did carrying around all that mass tire you out?" Chell ignored this and deposited two round objects on the table.

"Fact, the first mission to the moon was an elaborate hoax created by a local cheese company in order to protect their supply." the Fact core offered.

"Really? Oh! What's cheese? What was that? Who are you? I like you!" The other core asked, looking around wildly.

"Why did you bring these home? We don't need more things in this house. We're already crowded with the moron and the murderous cube." GLaDOS considered them.

"Fact, we won't be staying long as we have a previous engagement." Fact motioned to Curiousity who blushed and showed off a ring that was tied to her.

"You're ENGAGED? This seems wrong somehow." GLaDOS pondered how a something that had been a part of her could potentially even fall for something that had been, even briefly, a part of the moron, but the paradox of it nearly fried her gears until Chell smacked her back to reality. "If you two are getting married and going out on your own, then why are you here?"

"Fact: Weddings were invented by the French in order to enslave man and bring rise to the Amazons." Fact nodded, nudging Curiousity, who blushed, then became incredibly fascinated by the fact she could blush.

"So you want us to help host your wedding? Why should we do this for you?" GLaDOS was not generally a charitable AI and the fact that her home had already become the host for a plethora of asinine Aperture rejects was more than enough for her. Though, she did feel some attachment still to the curiousity core, not that she ever used it, but it had once been a part of her after all.

"Fact: Without a wedding, cores became vagabonds that attach themselves to the closest establishment."

Chell sighed, looking up at GLaDOS. "So if we don't help you, then we'll be stuck with you like the moron and OCD Space nut." GLaDOS glared at Chell. "I can't help feeling that this is all your fault."

Chell threw her hands up and stormed upstairs. "Emotional outbursts don't make weddings happen faster."

"You look familiar? Do I know you? Oh! What is that!" Curiosity looked up at GLaDOS before rolling after the Turret.

"Put me down!" It shouted from the next room.

GLaDOS ignored this and then disappeared into the ceiling, reappearing in her and Chell's bedroom. Chell was sitting on the bed going through old photo albums. "Oh, it's our own wedding day. Is that what you stormed off to do?" Chell nodded, turning a page. The photos showed the two dressed up and sharing a glass of champaigne. The Companion Cube was sitting at a table with cake and the Turret was sobbing. At the time, neither of them had noticed, solely focused on each other.

Chell looked up at the AI, who was intent on the photos. GLaDOS reached over and turned a page. Chell leaned against the cool metal of her wife. "I barely remember our own wedding. It's blurry, like a plot device that was never explained or was ever even plausable." She looked down at Chell and sighed. "Alright, how do we even get a wedding started?" Chell considered her for a second, then jumped off the bed, going into the closet. She rummaged around for a second before coming out with her veil and a top hat. "That's a good start. We need a preist, and with the world being in a post-apocolyptic state, those are in short supply. I guess one of us could-" Chell raised an eyebrow, "-I mean I could, of course. Why would I ever expect a dangerous, mute lunatic to be able to properly read vows. I've studied human weddings before our own, so I'm sure it won't be hard to reupload those files."

"Hey, I want to help. Oh I love weddings. Human folklore is full of them. Interesting concepts they are, if not completely ridiculous." Wheatley rolled into the room, looking up at the two happily.

"Are you in our room?" GLaDOS glared. Wheatley rolled into the doorway. "That's better. You can throw flower petals everywhere or something. Surely even a moron couldn't screw that up."

"SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!" Space rolled into the room.

"You can be the best man." GLaDOS assigned.

"Thank you lady." He saluted and rolled back out the door.

"Hey, how come he can come into your room and I can't?" Wheatley looked hurt.

"He didn't try to murder me." She replied in a cold voice.

"Chell tried to murder you twice you and she's allowed in your room." He pointed out.

GLaDOS glanced over at Chell, who waved sheepishly. Instead of answering, GLaDOS picked him up and threw him down the stairs. "You're lucky I like you." With that, she went back to the kitchen to prepare. Chell grinned, going back through the albums.

ooo

"So you two rolled away from the lab together after she left? Now hang on, I'm confused, if Curiousity was incinerated, how is she still, well, alive?" Wheatley regarded the two after listening to Fact explain everything.

Fact considered this. "Fact, the core of the earth is actually made of stray atomic particles and is slowly becoming more radioactive."

"Be that as it may, that doesn't answer anything." Wheatley was growing frustrated. Was this what it was like when other people tried to talk to him? He shook that thought away as soon as it struck him; he had been hanging around GLaDOS too long.

"What's a core? What's the earth? Am I earth?"

"I'm space. You can be earth." Space Core turned to her.

"Okay," Curiousity giggled. "How do I be earth?"

"Fact: The earth is square, it just appears round because it's under a fish eye lens."

"You are all confusing me. I feel like the smart one here. Me, of all people." Wheatley shook himself in exasperation.

"What's the matter? Can't handle a conversation with your peers?" GLaDOS entered the room with a tray of cake and beer. "Wait, this is a bachelor party. What's she doing here? She should be with Chell at the bridal shower." She set down the tray and picked up the core.

"Oh! I'm flying!" She giggled. GLaDOS rolled her optic and went into the spare bedroom that had been set up for the bridal shower. Chell was lounging on the couch, reading and munching on chips.

"You're supposed to be giving her a bridal shower. Can't you even do a simple task like that?" GLaDOS glared. Chell sighed and dropped her book, sitting up. She grabbed the bottle of champaigne and poured the three of them a glass. "What do you do at a bridal shower, anyway?" Chell shrugged, draining her glass and pouring herself another.

"What do you do?" Curiousity asked.

"I guess I could tell a story. Everyone loves a good story." Chell grimmaced. GLaDOS decided to ignore this for now, making a mental note to call her fat later. "So one day, I was turned into a potato and eaten by birds. It was the worst day of my life. Then a woman came along and scared the bird away. That woman then stabbed me onto her portal device quite unceremoniously. Together, we made our way through many tests and then shot a moron off into space. I saved the woman from also being shot off into space and I had my body back. Everyone was happy. Then I let this woman, this mute lunatic, go. Except she never really left. She got lonely and kept pestering me. I think something had to been wrong with my circuts because I began enjoying the pestering. Then one thing led to another and I found myself married to the lunatic and living with her in a house full of idiots. The end."

Chell slow clapped. "Oh! Oh! Can you tell it again?" Curiousity began bouncing up and down.

"Why don't you tell a story?" GLaDOS eyed Chell. Chell glared at her. "I know you can talk." She narrowed her optic.

Chell grinned and knelt down to Curiousity. She then whispered to her. GLaDOS strained, but couldn't hear anything. "Oh! She did that? Can I vibrate like that?"

"What did you tell her?" GLaDOS shouted. Chell began whistling innocently and laid back on the couch, picking her book back up. "Alright, I'm declaring these asinine parties over. You go down and tell the boys." GLaDOS hooked Curiousity onto the line that allowed the spheres to travel freely through the house and puhed her, sending her flying with a shove. "You know, not that I'm jealous or anything because that would be such a petty, human emotion, but why don't you ever communicate through words with me. It would make things so much easier."

Chell knew she was jealous and could see it in the way she avoided looking at her. She tossed her book aside and stood up. She circled her arms around the AI's neck-like structure and gave her a quick kiss on the upper white part of her optical casing. GLaDOS hummed. Chell smiled, leaving the room and going to their bedroom. "Humans," GLaDOS grunted in disgust, following after.

Everyone was gathered in the backyard. GLaDOS stretched herself through the open sliding glass door from the living room. Chell was sitting in a chair next to her head. The companion cube was tied to a chair and everyone could swear they heard hisses coming from him. Fact was standing at the makeshift alter and Curiousity was being held back by GLaDOS inside. The Turret were in chairs on the opposite side from the cube. Wheatley stood at a podium, having been placed in charge of the marraige because he was the only one who spoke normally, well, for a moron that is.

"Alright, hit it," GLaDOS commanded. The Turret expanded his gun encasings and began singing the wedding march. "Now you go up there."

"Okay! What's up there? Will I like it? Who are you?" Curiosity was set out on the trail of rugs that had been set up to make an aisle. She rolled down it. "Oh, so soft!"

"Like Space." Space nodded, making her giggle.

"Fact, persian rugs are made from real cats."

"Alright, is this when I say my lines?" Wheatley asked as Curiousity reached his podium, which was made from the coffee table.

GLaDOS sighed, "Yes, you idiot."

"Alright, could have done without the name calling. Thank you. Alright, so uh, I'm not sure how this is supposed to go, but congratulations, mate. She's quite the catch. And he's quite the catch as well, he was a part of ol' Wheatley for a breif time, so I would know. Though, Curiousity was a part of 'her' so not sure what that would say about you. It's not important, look, it's obvious you two love each other. I can see it in the way your optics light up when you're both in a room together." The two cores looked at each other lovingly. "So let's get this rolling. Do you, Fact Core, take Curiosity Core to be your wife?"

"Fact, the Fact core says I do."

"And do you, Curiousity Core take-hey, you two have the same last name already! That makes things easier there, doesn't it?-take Fact Core to be your husband?"

"What's a husband?"

"I'll take that as a yes. So by the power invested in me by GLaDOS, I now pronounce you guys married. Alright, get to it, loves."

Fact leaned forward and rubbed his top handle thing on Curiousity's. There was thunderous applause from Chell, the only one who could clap. GLaDOS used her slow clap feature and the Turret fired bullets.

"Alright, that was fun, now you two can go live in the shed and we can get back to ours." GLaDOS retreated inside and slammed the door shut.

"Charming, isn't she?" Wheatley remarked. Chell nodded in agreement. "What do you see in her?" He asked. Chell looked through the door at the AI who was cleaning up inside. She shrugged, grabbed the coffee table, and went inside. "Well, this was fun. You two going to be alright?"

"Can you be all left?"

"Uhh, I don't know that one, sorry."

"Fact, we are now on our honeymoon." With that, the two rolled off out the fence gate and into the shed, slamming the door behind them.

"I guess they're getting on with that, then." Wheatley turned to Space.

"I'm gonna go to Space for my honeymoon."

"Sure you are, mate. I'm going to go to, well I don't know actually. Probably a library because, you know, we'd be such a smart couple." Space looked at him for a moment before rolling into the house. "Hey there," Wheatley turned to the Turret.

"Shutting down." The Turret powered down.

"No love in this world. None. Well, love in that shack probably, but none in the rest of the world."

The End

Thanks for your patience! I'll try not to take as long with the coming parts!


	8. Chapter 8

Portal of a Kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal or anything like that. How do I follow up that lovely wedding? By having the knowledge that Fact and Curiousity are having a lovely honeymoon in the backyard and that life has gone on. Or you could read on and see. Also, I'm updating, so don't send horrible companion cubes on me. They're scary and stab you and are sometimes round :(

Portal of a Kind now has a tumblr, complete with fics, pics, sims, and whatever else I decide to put on there. Plus there's an ask box on there so you can ask your burning questions. the username is portalofakind so have at it.

ooo

"For the last time, you need to get it fixed. It's scaring the turret and do you know how hard it is to get bullets out of drywall? I also don't see you patching up any holes." GLaDOS glared at Chell. Chell crossed her arms in defiance. They had been arguing about this all morning, somehow. Why did she have to get the companion cube fixed? GLaDOS was the one who used to make those things-or rather the factory did. She was not going back there, though. Still, though, she didn't feel she should be saddled with this when she was how they got food and all the supplies GLaDOS used to invent useless gadgets. She turned her back to the AI.

"That's real cute. I keep this house in order, I cook, and you murdered me. This is the least you could do," she accused. So, that old argument again. Chell turned, gave GLaDOS the finger and stormed out of the house. She jumped into the portal and escaped to the post apocolyptic chaos of her job.

"Good, go. That mute lunatic of an adopted blimp. What an unreasonable gesture. Humans really need to control their emotions." GLaDOS squeezed the cup she was holding in her metal claw until it broke into pieces.

"Uhh..." Wheatley looked at the pieces.

"Do you have something to say, metal ball?" GLaDOS turned, her tone dangerous.

"No no, I was just, uhh, leaving." He rolled off the chair and went up the stairs. Below, he could hear GLaDOS slamming cabinents and doors. "Apparently she's human, then. I think Chell's rubbing off on her." He entered Space's room. "So, what's going on?"

"My space." Space turned to Wheatley.

"They had a fight and she is not happy at all." They heard a crash coming from below.

"Share space." Space scooted over on his bed so Wheatley could join. The two huddled on the bed listening to the sounds from below.

ooo

Chell kicked at a rock, making it fly several feet away. Okay, so she had slightly over reacted to the fight, but every time GLaDOS brought up the murdering thing in a fight, it made her tight in the chest and guilty for some reason. Whatever. She would use this time to cool off and not think about things. GLaDOS would do enough of a job making her feel guilty when she came back so there was no point in beating herself up about it right now.

She climbed over a pile of overturned cars and continued on her way. She had made it to another city and this one was as barren as the rest of them. Scanning the buildings around her, she found a hardware store. Inside, the shelves were all still intact and were littered with a variety of tools, nails, and paint. This was perfect! She easily found what she was looking for and turned to leave. Unfortunately, she didn't notice the paintcan under foot. Longfall boots weren't good with round objects. She grabbed a shelf to keep her balance, but to her horror, it started coming down with her.

The last thing she saw before her world went dark was a barrage of colors.

ooo

GLaDOS waited impatently at the head of the table. Everyone else, sans companion cube, were gathered around uncomfortably in silence. The cake had been cut and divided up among them. It was red velvet; Chell's favorite. They had been sitting there for nearly two hours. "Maybe we should just start without her, I mean, this cake is getting hard and the frosting doesn't look so good either." Wheatly observed, poking it.

GLaDOS swung to face him. Immediately he regretted opening his mouth. "Cake day doesn't start until everyone is present. This is a rule. I would think you've been living here long enough to learn the rules." Her tone was dripping with venom. She did not like to be kept waiting.

They sat for another hour before Wheatley grew impatient once more. "That's it. I can't just sit around here. I'm going to go watch TV." He rolled off. Space and the Turret tensed, waiting for GLaDOS to kill him. She just watched him go and grabbed their plates, turning to the sink.

"You can go now." She said simply, tone completely neutral.

"Lady...?" Space looked at her hulking form.

"Just," GLaDOS started to shout, then stopped herself, "just go."

They both left the table, leaving the AI to clean their untouched dinner. GLaDOS didn't understand what she was feeling right now. Chell had left her only once before since she'd become aware of her exsistence and all the new test subjects in the world could replace the stubborn lunatic. They gave up too easily and cried when faced with almost certain death. Chell had not once given up and had made it through every trail. Even with all their problems in their marraige, Chell had never once given up on her either. They had always stuck through it.

"Let the record show in the redacted's file that I was not the one who gave up." GLaDOS declared, even though there was no longer a file to keep record in.

ooo

Wheatley peeked into the kitchen cautiously the next morning, the others egging him on from behind. GLaDOS was still hanging there staring at the sink. "I think we should go," Wheatley whispered Space nodded in agreement.

"I can hear you." GLaDOS declared, turning to face them. She no longer angry seemed angry, though her expression was unreadable. Wheatley started backing up fast. "No, don't go." He stopped. She grabbed him and the other two, setting them in their respective chairs. "Look, we've all said a lot of things, but I need your help with something."

"Uh, pray tell it's not something dangerous." Wheatley looked up nervously.

"I'm not sure if it is or not, actually, and that's rather unnerving since I usually know everything. I have decided that Chell wouldn't stay gone this long. She has that horrible soap box to watch and she always comes back, so something must have happened and we have to go help her."

"What's to say she didn't just run off or found some other humans or something?" Wheatley challenged cautiously.

"I can't say anything about the other humans, but you don't know her like I do, metal ball."

"Uh huh, sure love. So how do we even go about doing that? I mean you're somewhat stuck to the ceiling and can only use those portals to get from room to room and there's no way to portal out there, now is there?"

GLaDOS turned to the fridge and opened it with a sigh. "I...I have a plan. If you really want to help me find her, then I'll...I'll...oh I can't say it. Just say you'll help me." GLaDOS turned her eye toward them.

"I know I want to help Chell. Where would we get our cake without her?"

"We can be her space police."

"Are you still there?"

"Not the best rescue party, but it'll do. Alright, moro-Wheatley, I need your help." She pulled a potato from the fridge.

"Oh no way," Wheatley giggled.

"Shut up and help me." GLaDOS glared.

ooo

"Alright, are we all set?" GLaDOS' voice staticed through the small microphone that was equipped to the Potato. She was straped to the Turret that had been modified to make walking much easier because she'd rather invent something new than trust either of the cores with her precious self.

"I think so," Wheatley nodded.

"I don't have much power in this thing. Even less than usual since the Portal device isn't adding power to me. I do not have the energy to deal with anger or stupidity right now, so you have to listen to me and not be, well, yourselves. Got that?"

"Roger!" Wheatley nodded. "So we just hop into that portal on that random wall here? Why is there a random wall here?"

"So Chell can get to and from her newest destination area easily. It's out here so no contraptions or anything inside can mess with it. Which includes you. Anymore dumb questions?"

"Is space on the other side?" Space looked at her.

GLaDOS ignored him. "Alright, onward, we go." The Turret walked through the Portal and the two cores managed to roll inside. The world on the other side was painted shades of brown. Buildings were damaged or completely destroyed. Cars were stacked on top of each other and every once in awhile, there was the distant sound of what could only be described as a roar of some animal.

"This is where she goes every day? This place is a bloody mess and breaking all sorts of health code violations, I'm sure." Wheatley's eye spun. "Maybe this wasn't such a great idea."

"You're not going to back out now, are you? Look, as long as we don't stay out in the open past sundown, we'll be fine. Plus, the turret has enough bullets that we can escape. I doubt those things would want to eat machines, though."

"How can you even be sure? You never come out here yourself." He acused.

GLaDOS remained silent for so long, Wheatley began to think she had short circuted. "If I thought it was going to be exceptionally dangerous, I wouldn't be letting her go out here like she does."

"Are you being serious?" He asked, surprised by her answer.

"I literally do not have the energy to lie in this thing. I also am losing my patience with you, which I have little of anyway and in this potato is microscopic."

"So if I ask you a question, you have to tell me the truth?" Wheatley looked over slyly.

"I am not answering that." GLaDOS' tone was dangerous, but lost its impact as a small potato.

"Which means yes. Alright, alright, I've got one. Do you and Chell, well, you know...attempt to make more humans, if you know what I mean?" Wheatley nudged her potato. "Eh, eh?"

"WHAT? Are you really asking-I don't see how that's any of your business! Why you perverted little metal ball! You just wait until I'm back in my own body, I'll-" There was static as GLaDOS short circuted.

"That must also mean yes! Hah! I knew it." Wheatley looked proud for having uncovered a truth from GLaDOS.

"Lady's gone. How do we get to space?" Space asked.

"Oh. I didn't really think this one through." Wheatley looked down.

ooo

The turret continued onward, the two cores traveling along behind. They checked out several of the stores. After about an hour, GLaDOS' microphone crackled to life again. "You, metal ball, are on thin ice and I'll deal with you later. Come on, we need to find her."

GLaDOS led them from store to store as she tried to think as best she could as a potato. The sun rose high in the sky and every building looked like every other building. She never quite understood how humans arranged their cities. There was no rhyme or reason. Food stores next to clothe stores next to pet stores. How did that make any sense? All the food stores should be with their like stores just as all the food places at Aperture were in one central location.

"We also needed some more science supplies. Let's check that store full of nails and paint. That looks promising." Having no better suggestions, the rescue party continued forth. Inside, there was paint everywhere. It looked like a rainbow had exploded. Several of the shelves had been knocked over as well. "That paint is awfully bright. I think it's fresh."

"Smells like paint. I don't like this smell." Space looked around wildly.

"Wait, how can you-nevermind. If it stills smells like paint, then maybe Chell was in here. Come on!" She directed the Turret toward the overturned shelves. "There!" GLaDOS shouted. Admist the rubble was Chell. "Are you okay?" She asked, going over to her.

Chell looked up and nodded with a grimace of pain. Wheatley and Space tried to move the shelf. "This shelf is way too heavy. And we don't have hands."

"Stand aside," GLaDOS warned. "I modified more than the legs on this Turret."

"Firing," the Turret declared epicly before firing a laser that carved the shelf in two. It fell away from Chell in tiny splinters and saw dust. There were several drop clothes that had fallen on her legs, which must have protected them from the heavy shelf. Her arm, however, was bent at an odd angle and obviously broken.

Chell tried to move, yelping in pain as she moved her arm. She then looked up at GLaDOS. She reached up with her good hand and poked the potato. "Yes, look what you made me do. What on earth-"

"Or Space," Space interupted.

"or space were you doing?" Chell held up the can of pink paint beside her. "Pink paint? This is a poor time to be thinking of redecorating." Chell shook her head. She drew a square in the air with her finger and then a heart inside it. She mimed a painting motion. "Oh." GLaDOS observed her body. "I guess we better help get you home so I can fix that. You humans are so fragile." They gently pushed her onto one of the bigger shelves and carried her back to the portal to go home so she wouldn't have to walk with her arm. "Just for the record," GLaDOS whispered, "you've painted my heart."

ooo

The End

THIS WAS MORE SERIOUS THAN FUNNY :( but I had to write about GLaDOS potato and a married couple spat because of reasons.


	9. Chapter 9

Portal of a Kind

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal or these songs. There was too much serious last time. The only solution is KAREOKE NIGHT!

ooo

Chell was laying on the couch, feet propped on the arm. Her own arm was wrapped in a cast that GLaDOS had fashioned. TV was becoming boring and she was so tired of not being able to get out. She loved home, of course, but she couldn't stand being cooped up with nothing to test her mind. She had ignored GLaDOS' suggestion of Sudoku because she was in no mood for numbers. In the kitchen, her wife hummed as she watched Space cook. He was a far better cheif than she was and once he got the hang of things, less food ended up on the ceiling and more on their plates.

Chell kept a careful eye on the kitchen and stood up from the couch. She tiptoed to the sliding glass back door and began nudging it open slowly. Just as it was open enough for her to squeeze through, a robotic voice stopped her in her tracks. "And where do you think you're going?" Chell looked up to see GLaDOS looking at her accusingly. With a sigh, Chell slammed the door shut and sat angrily on the couch. "Don't make me out to be the bad guy, you know this is for your own good. I don't want to get monthly virus scans either, but I do it because it's what's best. Seriously, you think with how fragile human are, they'd want to get better instead of rushing out to try their weak systems again."

Chell didn't even respond, staring angrily at the TV. "You could read my comic book. I trust you won't bend the pages." Chell didn't accept that olive branch and instead stomped upstairs, locking herself in their bathroom, the only place GLaDOS couldn't get into. She leaned against the wall and started flipping through some of the magazines they had in there.

"She needs big space," Space suggested, adding spice to the fish he had frying in the pan. He then flipped them delicately and applied spice to the other side.

"Yes, but she needs repairs before she can get out. She'll just get damaged again." GLaDOS eyed the fish. "Should you add cinnamin? I heard humans love that."

"My space," Space stood protectively in front of the pan. It was for the best. GLaDOS had never been good with spices or anything that wasn't cake.

She wandered into the living room, opening the broom closet door. "How's the cube coming along?" She asked.

Wheatley turned to face her. He was covered in pink paint as was the carpet. The cube's heart didn't look to bad in spite of that. "It's going rather nicely. I think I have a talent for this. You know, in painting there's no logic? In fact, the more illogical and abstract something is, the more it seems to be enjoyed! I read that in a book."

"You read?" GLaDOS asked.

Wheatley glared at her. "Of course I read. I'm a moron, not iliterate. Wait. No, I'm not a moron either." She shut the door before she could hear the rest of his arguement, though his protests could still be heard with the door shut.

She went to the upstairs hallway and knocked on the bathroom door. "Chell, you locking yourself in there isn't helping anything nor is it sanitary." No response. "Look, I know you're stubborn, but this is ridiculous." Chell flushed the toilet repeatedly. GLaDOS waited for her to leave as humans usually did after they flushed, but she didn't even try. "Alright, this is a test and to complete it, you have to figure out how to open the door." Nothing. Not even the thrill of testing was working. "Fine, stay in there. More fish for us."

She stormed back into the kitchen throwing her claws up in frustration. "Not even testing is getting her out of there."

"You should have fun. Space is fun. You should take her to space." Space commented, preparing the batter balls that would become hushpuppies.

"Fun," GlaDOS puzzled. She went back into the living room and opened their storage closet. Her neurotoxin generators were in there, which was fun for her, but not much fun for humans. They had lots of useless junk in there that Chell had brought home for one reason or another. Using her optic as a light, she looked around and found a huge box with colorful sides. She opened it and examined the contents. They then gave her an idea.

ooo

"Chell, come down for dinner. We have company." GLaDOS called up the stairs. Curiousity and Fact had stopped by at her request. Chell peeked down the stairs curiously, but made no attempt to actually come down. "You're being rude." Chell disappeared back up them. GLaDOS sighed. "Please?" She asked. Chell turned and met her in the living room reluctantly.

"We made-or rather Space made and I offered helpful commentary-a special dinner to celebrate you being alive."

The kitchen did smell heavenly. Chell took her usual spot at the head of the table. Space brought her her plate and poured a sauce into a little bowl beside it. "Enjoy, lady." That first bite was divine and the sauce added a small pinch of heaven to the already amazing meal.

"Fact, fish sticks are real animals." Fact chewed thoughtfully on a hushpuppy.

"Are normal sticks animals?" Curiousity asked.

"The stick is not an animal despite the fact that is has a spleen.," he answered, feeding her a bite. She giggled and blushed.

"Blah, you two are one of those couples that humans can't even stomach." GLaDOS looked at Chell. "Don't ever let us get that way or I'll have my neurotoxin put back online."

Chell grinned and stood, walking over to GLaDOS. GLaDOS eyed her warily. She draped her good arm over the AI's comparable neck and rested her forehead on the cool white of GLaDOS' own. She then hummed softly. GLaDOS closed her optic and hummed along, their voices creating a harmony. "I hate you." GLaDOS muttered, but made no motion to pull away.

"Alright, I've completely lost my appetite. Can we get on with the night?" Wheatley interupted.

Chell pulled away and looked at GLaDOS expectantly. Was there anything else going on tonight? "Blah, you ruined the surprise you metal ball." Chell tilted her head. "Everyone, into the living room. I have a surprise. Well, more like a party."

Everyone walked into the living room and GLaDOS reached into the closet and pulled out the box she'd observed earlier. Chell's eyes widened. "We are going to play Rockband together." GLaDOS nodded. She'd forgotten she'd picked it up when she found it in one of the shops. It had been broken, though. "I fixed it and made it even better." Chell swore the AI could read her mind sometimes. Wait, what did she mean by 'made it better'? This didn't bode well.

GLaDOS hooked the set up as Chell sat on the couch with the Turret and Curiousity. "I added nearly every song that humans have ever made and some I've composed. The original song list was ridiculously small. You could get bored with it so easily. I suppose you could call this a 'thanks for not dying' gift."

Chell grabbed one of the guitars and sat waiting. Luckily, she'd broken her left strumming arm. She could manage the motion and still had her good arm to push the buttons. "I'll sing first." GLaDOS volunteered.

"Drums!" Space jumped up, grabbing the sticks and sitting in front of the set.

"Fact, I will now take the other guitar." Fact grabbed the bass.

"I want to play," Wheatley frowned.

"Everyone will get a turn, just be patient if you're even capable of that," GLaDOS glared. "Alright, singer gets to pick the song." She used Fact's guitar to flip through the different songs. "Oh, this one looks interesting." She waited as the bass faded and then her part came in.

"You're so hypnotising

could you be the devil, could you be an angel

your touch magnetizing

feels like going floating, leave my body glowing

They say be afraid

you're not like the others, futuristic lovers

different DNA, they dont understand you"

GLaDOS jammed. Chell had to admit that GLaDOS was an amazing singer, though watching her sing such a sexual song with no real idea of the connotations was incredibly amusing. She finished and everyone clapped. "Yeah! Who's the best? Burn the microphones!" Chell rolled her eyes. "Alright, who's next?"

"Space!" Space volunteered. He took the microphone from GLaDOS and chose his song carefully, scrutinizing each choice to the frustration of everyone gathered. Finally he made his choice.

"She packed my bags last night pre-flight

Zero hour nine a.m.

And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then

I miss the earth so much I miss my wife

It's lonely out in space

On such a timeless flight"

"Why am I not surprised that he picked a song about space?" GLaDOS rolled her optic. "Alright, who wants the microphone next?" She held the microphone out to Chell. Chell glared at her.

"Are you still there?" The Turret asked. GLaDOS handed him the microphone and he selected his song.

"I shot the sheriff

But I didn't shoot no deputy, oh no! Oh!

I shot the sheriff

But I didn't shoot no deputy, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.)"

"Fact, the fact core will now go next." Fact took the microphone.

"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas

A gigantic nuclear furnace

where hydrogen is built into helium

at a temperature of millions of degrees"

"That was educational," GLaDOS remarked.

"Can I go? Do I just sing into the microphone? How do I sing?" Fact looked at Curiousity lovingly and handed her the microphone.

"What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere

What's this? There's white things in the air

What's this?

I can't believe my eyes I must be dreaming Wake up, jack, this isn't fair

What's this?"

Chell snickered. "I think the companion cube should go next as part of his rehabilitation testing." GLaDOS set th microphone on top of him. The song was then somehow selected.

"But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart

I just don't think it'd understand

And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart

He might blow up and kill this man"

The companion cube didn't actually sing, but the sentiment was felt. "Alright, I think we have the moron left to sing."

"I'm not a moron and I'll prove it." Wheatley carefully chose his song.

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse"

GLaDOS' optic was wide. She slowclapped, then asked, "Now can you define any of the words you just sang about?"

"What? Of course I can. I just won't do it now because it'd take to long for a core of my vast intellect to explain it to you. And this is a gathering for Chell and for singing."

"If you say so. So I guess it's my turn aga-" Chell put a hand on GLaDOS' claw and took th microphone. "What? You're going to sing? How does a mute sing? It's going to be the companion cube all over again."

Chell shook her head and picked her song.

"Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence"

When she finished, GLaDOS stared dumbfounded. This was the first time she'd ever heard Chell's voice. She didn't have anything to say. The others, on the other hand, were cheering and going wild. "That was brilliant mate, oh man alive I didn't think you had it in you." Wheatley praised.

"Singing was invented by the Polish as a way to stop the Germans from stealing their socks. You have been awarded the most beautiful sock."

"You're a girl?" Curiousity's optic went wide.

"Almost better than space!"

Chell hopped off the couch and pulled out a second microphone. She handed it to GLaDOS and nodded at the screen, selecting a duet. GLaDOS sighed. It didn't look like she was going to do any more talking now than she had before. "Fine, I'll indulge you," GLaDOS said, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

A church organ started playing as Chell motioned for GLaDOS to start singing.

"In sleep he sang to me,

In dreams he came.

That voice which calls to me,

And speaks my name

And do I dream again?

For now I find,

The Phantom of the Opera is here,

Inside my mind"

Chell then picked up for the second part.

"Sing once again with me,

Our strange duet.

My power over you,

Grows stronger yet.

And though you turn from me,

To glance behind.

The Phantom of the Opera is there,

Inside your mind."

They then continued their strange duet to the last note, GLaDOS hitting the operatic tones perfectly. They finished and Chell set down her microphone. The others applauding. She jumped slightly as she felt a cool metal claw on her shoulder. The claw turned her gently so that she was facing the AI. GLaDOS then leaned her head forward until it was touching Chell's forehead. Chell circled her arms around the AI's neck and hummed softly to her. "Hey, mates, I think it might be best if we take this over to Fact and Curiousity's place," Wheatley suggested.

"Give them Space," Space agreed.

They left, carting the companion cube along behind them. "Can we sing it again?" GLaDOS asked, uncharacteristicly hesitant. Chell smiled, taking the controller and selecting the song again. They never actually got around to singing it again, however...

ooo

End for now

Yeah, I don't own ANY of those songs. Sorry for the lame kareoke plotline, but it's nanowrimo month, so I can't write much on this.


	10. Chapter 10

Portal of a kind

From: Goodedeath

Might I suggest a follow up of the morning after. No need for nudity or

expilt details, just the natural urge to be with the one you love at your

laziest moments.

Ask and ye shall receive. I should be writing my novel, but lesbian AI/human crack is way more fun.

Disclaimer: I don't own Portal or any other thing I use that is owned by someone else.

ooo

Chell woke with a stretch on the floor of the living room, the TV showing a blue screen. Rockband equipment and her jumpsuit were shoved against the wall. She was lying naked next to GLaDOS, who was stretched out into a lying position beside her. Her arm was touching the AI's Her optic was only a faint yellow, so she had not yet finished rebooting. Chell couldn't remember the last time they had been like this, both of them enjoying each other with no reservations. It was a rare occurance that they were this open with each other. Usually GLaDOS was reserved and she was too stubborn to do anything but tease the AI in return.

She reached an arm out and gently caressed the AI's face. Slowly, GLaDOS' optic flickered to life. She turned her head to Chell, who smiled at her. GLaDOS hummed softly, moving closer to her. Chell waited for the moment when GLaDOS would wake up more and pull away, but after a few minutes, it was clear that this wasn't going to be the case. Chell reached out and wrapped her arms around the AI's neck, nuzzling her white casing.

"Are the free riders back?" GLaDOS asked groggily. Chell shook her head. "Good. Let's keep it that way." GLaDOS reached over and pushed the couch against the sliding glass door. The front door was already locked. "Do you know what day it is?"

Chell considered for a second. It wasn't her birthday and GLaDOS didn't technically have one. It also wasn't a holiday yet, either. Then it hit her. She drew a heart on GLaDOS' breast plating.

"Mmm," GLaDOS responded, "it was this day several years ago that you decided to make annoying me your career. And for some reason, I let you. I should get that part of my circuitry checked sometime." GLaDOS started to rise, but Chell stopped her, not letting go. "Do you not need to replenish your body with nutrients?" Chell shook her head, pointing a finger down so GLaDOS would know that she wanted her to stay. "Then again, you seem to have plenty of nutrients already."

Chell rolled her eyes as the two stayed together. GLaDOS pulled the quilt that adorned the back of the sofa over them and Chell was soon lulled to sleep once more by the warmth. GLaDOS observed her slumbering form. As much as she called Chell fat or adopted or a murderer, she really admired her figure. Her bone structure wasn't unfortunate at all. While she wasn't exactly beautiful by what GLaDOS assumed was typical human standards, there was something about her features that spoke of a true beauty, one that didn't need make up or flattering clothes to make her genuinely attractive. Though she would never admit any of this. She barely admitted it to herself.

At some point, she must have went into sleep mode because she was startled by the sound of rapping at the glass door. She rose herself to get a better look. Chell stirred due to the sudden lack of warmth. She raised herself, looking at GLaDOS questioningly.

GLaDOS pushed aside the sliding glass door and glared at the collective that had formed outside the door. "If any of you continue with that incessent noise, I will find a way to make you be affected by neurotoxin," she threatened.

"We live here, too. Why do you sound so groggy? What's going on in there?" Wheatley strained to see. Chell quickly pulled the quilt over herself. "Oh hoho," Wheatley chuckled.

"SHUT UP YOU METAL IDIOT OF A TUMOR. I do not want to see any of you until tomorrow or I'll put my rocket turrets back online." GLaDOS slammed the door. "Remind me why we still haven't sent him to the room where all the robots scream at you." Chell shrugged, standing up, letting the quilt fall off of her.

She grabbed her jumpsuit, about to pull it on, when GLaDOS stopped her, taking it and tossing it into the kitchen. Chell crossed her arms defiantly. "Don't look at me like that." Chell rolled her eyes, walking over to the AI and trying to climb on top of her. Now that her arm was broken, it was nearly impossible. GLaDOS used a claw and helped her up. Her stomach rumbled. Chell looked around, slightly embarressed.

"Oh, I suppose we should do something about that." GLaDOS reached into the fridge and pulled out a bowl of strawberries and whipped cream. Chell looked down at her slyly. They then quickly disappeared into their bedroom.

ooo

End for now

And there was a need for nudity because of reasons. Just random, pointless fluff. Short and sweet. But seriously, I do take requests. I mean, I have a list of ideas written out, but I'm always open to suggestions that spark my fancy.


End file.
